My parents let me whatever I wanted. We ordered in a lot. She was not much of a cook. We usually didn’t do fast food but I was never made to eat my veggies, or protein size. I ate what I felt like. I was not taught what was healthy. I remember feeling fat at the age of 13 and embarrassed of my stomach. I look back at old photos and I noticed I covered my stomach with my arms in all of them.
At 13 my mother’s depression and mental health took over her life. She wouldn’t leave the house. My father took care of everything. As time passed her mental health got worse and she turned to drinking. My father and she decided to divorce. We moved into a condo and she became my sisters and mine responsibility.
While this was going on around age 18 I went into a deep depression started overeating and became bulimic. I would gain and lose weight all the time; my weight constantly fluctuated between 113-170. I would go up to 150lbs then back down to 130lbs. I messed my stomach up so bad I had to have my gall bladder removed.
My mother kept getting worse she didn’t bathe, she could hardly walk, she was mentally gone. One morning I went to check on her and couldn’t find her. My sisters called the hospitals and we found her in Boca medical she couldn’t talk and was a mess. I watched her organs shut down for a month.
Once she died I let partying, drinking, and weed take over. I was broken. I had been following fitness pages on Instagram and was so jealous of the girls and their bodies. I was jealous that they knew how to work out and I wanted what they had; confidence. I wanted to be like those girls. I decided to one day, enough was enough I wanted to work out. I would wear heavy sweats and baggy shirts to go on the elliptical. I become obsessed with it and was going 5 days a week or more. I would not leave the cardio area because I was intimated by the weight room.
***I used social media to look up different types of workout programs online… I had no idea what I was doing and my knees started to become really sore. To the point I would leave the gym and could hardly walk. I did not want to stop though because I loved the gym so much. And was the only place I did not feel depressed.
My friend took a photo of me in a bikini from the back. I looked at it and became instantly depressed. I was so mad at myself. I had spent over a year in a gym and knew I could have progressed so much further if I knew what I was doing. Decided I needed a trainer. But not just a trainer, I wanted a life coach, friend, someone who cared about their clients. Someone who did not see their clients as cash cows. Someone who’s positive energy brightened up a room. I had been following Tanya for a few years on Instagram and she fit exactly what I needed and wanted in my life to a T. I decided to contact her. She was so sweet in the emails and I was so excited to meet her. From the moment I met her I knew she would change my life.
I have lived on my own for 7 years. I had no one to keep me accountable. I had no one to encourage my fitness lifestyle. I had so many bad habits. My anxiety and lack of confidence was controlling my life.
Once I started working with Tanya I had someone I had to be accountable to. Someone in my corner to encourage me. Someone who saw the potential in me that I couldn’t see. Someone who wants to help me succeed not just in fitness but in life. She goes above and beyond her duties. She knew I got overwhelmed easily and that my anxiety was still controlling my life and I could only be pushed so hard. She took steps in introducing new aspects into my life. Working on my mental state, then physical. Teaching me how to love my body and myself.
I now walk into the gym with confidence. I pushed myself out of my confront zone. I am off the stair master and now in the weight room; the room I use to be scared to even walk by. Now I walk in with a sense of belonging. No longer feeling like the outsider who knows nothing.
At 30 years old I am feeling the best I have felt since I was a kid. I am mentally strong and physically strong. I now treat my body with respect. I am amazed how quickly I have changed mentally and physical. I am learning so much about my body and how to take proper care of myself.
Tanya has taught me that taking care of myself and loving myself is number one priority. If I do not love myself, how can I love someone else? If I do not take care of myself, how can I succeed in life? Tanya helped give me the confidence to break many bad habits that brought me down. Including drinking. I have removed myself from toxic friendships. I have been focusing on myself and focusing on work and what makes ME happy.